For a little over a year, I have given strong consideration to making Aliyah. Moving to Israel, becoming and Israeli citizen, and helping to perpetuate the people really tugs at my heartstrings. To put it simply, it is just EASIER to be a Jew there. I feel free. I feel comfortable, and uncomfortable, and lovely when I am there.
My recent trip to Israel put this idea to the test. I am tired of being a tourist. I am tired of not knowing Hebrew. And I am tired of coming back to the states---you have to make a concerted effort to BE Jewish here. But not in Israel. The older I get, this feeling becomes stronger. I want to be immersed in my people.
I finally brought this idea up to my father two nights ago. The conversation lasted for 52 seconds, according to my cell phone. .
Me: Dad, I need to talk to you.
Dad: Well, alright babygirl. Whazzup?
Me: It is serious.
Dad: Well, ok.
Me: I want to make Aliyah.
Dad: Huh?
Me: I want to move to Israel. I want to be an Israeli.
*chirp chirp*
Dad: Can we talk about this later?
Me: Sure thing. I love you.
Dad: I love you doll. Goodnight.
We had a tear-filled follow up conversation last night. Well---he didn't cry, but I sure as hell did. For the first time in my life, I heard a very deep, true, honest need in my Dad's voice. He is vehemently opposed to my idea. And though he didn't flat out say his reason, the bottom line is that he is terrified of being alone. He is terrified that I will move so far away that no one will be here to take care of him in his older age.
I didn't think he would be so hurt at the idea that my growing Zionism would take me so far away. Up until this point, my evolving Jewish identity and commitment to our people has been a HUGE source of pride and happiness for him. But this was an unwelcome idea.
His reasons? I would be too far away to just come home. (I have a different idea of home.) I don't know anyone in Israel, including Americans who can support me. (My father is showing his naivete here---he doesn't understand the culture, and he really underestimates my Israel network---I turned down FOUR lunch dates on my last trip due to my exhaustion...) He doesn't like the idea that I live so far away from West Virginia the way it is now---let alone if I was a 10 hour plane ride away. There were so many other reasons, but I will spare you.
His ideas surrounded one idea: support. Who would I lean on over there? And more importantly, who would HE lean on in the future.
I cried, and cried, and cried. It has been too long since I have hugged my father. We haven't seen each other in over a year. Over the past three years, we have become so close, and I am so, so blessed we learned how to be friends----I am so blessed we learned how to be father and daughter. He hears me cry more than anyone else. I let myself be his daughter. He let himself be my father. It is so incredibly beautiful.
Oi. What is a little Jewish girl to do? I am bridging the gap between my family and Judaism. I am leading THEIR reconnection journey. Though it is unspoken and unconscious, it is a huge responsibility. And I want to lead them to Israel, too, but alas that seems to be a bit of a pipe dream.
Oi with the poodles, already.
